Breaking Free From the Good Girl Mold

by | Nov 2, 2023 | Connection, Parenting Style | 0 comments

Do you know what ‘the good good syndrome’ is? Are you suffering from this syndrome? Maybe we’ve all been a little brainwashed.

The concept of the “good girl brainwash,” was coined by Lisa Carmen Wang, the visionary behind Bad Bitch Empire. It’s all about understanding the subtle societal conditioning that’s influencing us as women and our daughters.

Good Girl Behaviors

Let’s break down these “good girl behaviors” that might be shaping us and our daughters.

  • Perfectionism: The relentless pursuit of flawlessness, often leading to unwarranted stress and anxiety.
  • Trouble with Setting Boundaries: Difficulties in saying “no” or standing up for themselves, rooted in a tendency to prioritize others’ needs above their own.
  • People-Pleasing: The inclination to prioritize others’ happiness at the cost of their own well-being.
  • Downplaying Strengths: A reluctance to acknowledge their achievements to avoid making others uncomfortable.
  • Obedience: A strict adherence to rules, even when they defy logic.
  • Permission-Seeking Behaviors: An incessant need for validation and approval before making decisions, often at the expense of trusting their instincts. 

What About Our Gen Z Daughters?

You know what’s fascinating? Research reveals that our Gen Z daughters seem to have a different take on the “good girl” syndrome. It’s something I’ve personally observed, and it’s rather intriguing. They approach these behaviors in a way that’s quite distinct from what many of us experienced when we were teens. They’ve taken the empowerment torch and are running with it.

I’ve noticed a shift among our teen girls, especially when compared to our own teenage years. They seem to speak up more and appear more educated and aware of women’s rights and societal inequalities.

It’s a remarkable change and part of it is thanks to power of information that our girls have  at their fingertips. But let’s not forget the impact that we had as moms and women. We started this journey, from the feminist movements of the 60s and the 70s and historical moments like the symbolic burning of bras (thank you Babyboomer women) to the increasing number of women in the workforce and pursuing higher education in the generations thereafter. We laid the foundation for this awareness, and now, our daughters are building upon it.

In this new era, Gen Z has grown up with a heightened sense of awareness. They aren’t afraid to question traditional gender roles, challenge societal expectations, and advocate for change. It’s like they’ve taken the lessons we started and elevated them to the next level. This is a testament to the progress we’ve made and the impact it’s had on the generation we’re raising.

So, let’s give ourselves a well-deserved pat on the back, moms. We’ve played a part in shaping this evolving narrative, and our daughters are carrying it forward with confidence and purpose. It’s a wonderful cycle of empowerment that’s worth celebrating.

And if your teen daughter could use a little bit of help in becoming more assertive I’ve got the perfect tool for you and your daughter: 12 common scenarios where assertiveness is key. From dealing with tricky friendships to standing up for herself in relationships, your daughter will learn practical tips and scripts for being assertive without being aggressive. Click on the image to get yours

Unapologetically You

Our job is still not done

But although we’ve seen some real progress and a breath of fresh air in how our daughters approach life, we still have a long way to go.

I’ve noticed that some Gen Z girls are showing remarkable assertiveness, but let’s not forget that there are plenty of them are still wrestling with those old ‘Good Girl’ tricks. The brainwash is powerful, and their traces still linger.

But it’s not just about them. It’s about us too. Are we still carrying those ‘Good Girl’ desires deep down, even subconsciously?

Let’s turn the spotlight on ourselves and reflect on our own journey. We can’t deny that our generation came of age in a world where the lines of ‘girlhood’ were a bit more rigid. We had these unwritten scripts that told us to be compliant, polite, and modest. I am pretty sure those influences still show up in our daily lives.

Maybe that time at thea meeting when we had a brilliant idea but hesitated to share it, thinking it might ruffle some feathers? Or when you hosted that neighborhood get-together and insisted on everything being just perfect, from the appetizers to the centerpieces? Or the countless times we’ve bitten our tongues instead of speaking up when we knew we had something important to say.

These are the remnants of those ‘Good Girl’ habits showing up in our lives. They’re like those old acquaintances who keep popping up uninvited.

Break free from these gremlins that are holding us back

When we’ve identified these ‘Good Girl’ remnants, these little gremlins trying to hold us back, we’ve taken the first important step to change.

Awareness is the first step to transformation. When we recognize these patterns in ourselves, we can start to break free from their grasp.

When we shed that need for perfection and embrace our authentic selves, it’s like this weight is lifted off our shoulders.

When you decide it’s okay if the table settings aren’t magazine-worthy, and you focus on enjoying the company rather than striving for the perfect event.

Or instead of sugar-coating your opinions or holding back in conversations, you start speaking your mind honestly, sharing your perspectives authentically even if it means you may have differing views from others.

When you’ve learned to set boundaries, decline when necessary, and prioritize your well-being over people-pleasing.

You’ve let go of friendships that drained your energy and instead foster connections with people who accept you for who you are, imperfections and all.

When you no longer hide your struggles and emotions, but you open up to your loved ones about your fears, insecurities, and dreams, creating deeper, more meaningful relationships.

To help you and your daughter break the Good Girl mold, I have created the Badass Girl Manifesto. All the 17 statements in this manifesto represent authenticity, self-acceptance, courage, self-love and being assertive. You can choose between 6 different poster styles and there are affirmation cards for daily empowerment. Strengthen your mother-daughter bond, boost her self-confidence, build resilience, and foster self-belief. Let this Manifesto be the startingpoint of meaningful conversations that will inspire you both. 

The Badass Girl Manifesto

Our growth is their growth

In the journey from perfectionism to authenticity, one key arena where this transformation plays a profound role is in how we parent our girls.

I truly hope that you know and understand that the path to being a ‘perfect’ parent is not only unrealistic but also unattainable. Instead, let’s embrace our parenting imperfections, acknowledging them openly with our kids. Talk about the tough times, celebrate the small victories, and create genuine connections.

Our transformation is more than personal growth; it’s a model for our daughters. They watch us as we navigate the challenges and joys of life with authenticity. By seeing us stand up for our worth, assert our boundaries, and embrace our true selves, they learn that it’s not only okay to be imperfect, but it’s actually a strength.

We’re planting seeds of empowerment, showing them that they can break free from the ‘Good Girl’ conditioning, just as we have.

As we model these behaviors and foster open, real conversations, we’re lighting the way for them to become strong, confident women who can change the world.

The Ultimate Gift Guide for Teen Girls

Introducing “The Ultimate Gift Guide for Teen Girls” – your one-stop destination for finding the perfect presents for the teen girls in your life. This list was meticulously curated by teen girls themselves, ensuring that every gift choice celebrates individuality and brings joy to the special teens in your world.

When it comes to teenage girls, their bedroom is more than just a place to sleep. It’s a sanctuary, a reflection of their unique style and personality. These gift ideas aren’t just accessories; they’re expressions of individuality, creativity, and comfort. Find the perfect present for any occasion, and let’s elevate her room with style!

Elevate your teen girl’s style with our thoughtfully chosen jewelry gift ideas. From delicate necklaces to charming bracelets, these pieces will not only enhance their look but also become cherished symbols of your love and appreciation. Explore our curated collection and discover the perfect jewelry pieces that resonate with your teen’s unique personality.

Unlock the world of beauty and self-care with our handpicked beauty products gift ideas. These carefully selected items are perfect for teen girls who love to experiment with makeup, skincare, and more. Treat them to products that enhance their natural beauty and express their individuality. 

Get ready to explore the world of creativity with our DIY gift ideas. We believe in the power of self-expression, and these gifts are perfect for teen girls who love to craft, design, and create. From miniature house-building kits to watercolor painting sets, this collection offers endless possibilities for sparking imagination and fostering artistic talents.

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Hey there, I´m Marielle

As a parenting coach and life coach for teen girls, I have seen firsthand the impact that a strong mother-daughter bond can have. In my blog, I share my insights, experiences, and tips to help mothers create deeper connections with their daughters, navigate the difficult moments, and feel more confident in their parenting journey.

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