In a previous post I explained the two mindshifts you need to make to stay calm when your teen pushes your buttons. I talked the importance of having healthy fights with our daughter.
It’s not easy to deal with the arguments, the sassy attitude and the rude remarks.
But know that you are best person for her to have a conflict with. Because resolving the conflict is how she will build her emotional intelligence.
How do we do that? Healthy fighting?
Understanding that she is supposed to question and contend authority is one thing.
But we don’t want her to become an obnoxious monster.
Here are three tips for having healthy fights with your teen daughter which will help her build her emotional intelligence.
1. Model healthy fighting
Remember, she’s watching us. We have to practice what we preach.
We teach her to express her opinions in a respectful way by not shouting at her.
And “Because I said so” just doesn’t cut it anymore.
It’s important that she understands the reasoning behind your rules and restrictions.
But there is no point in explaining that to her when she’s upset or angry. Because that will most likely turn into lecturing.
And lecturing is pointless. She won’t listen. And she probably heard the lecture countless times already.
Wait until you’re both calm to have a calm conversation.
2. Show her how to compromise
Sometimes our rules don’t make sense anymore or need to be adjusted. Maybe because she’s older now. Or because she’s demonstrated her maturity. Or you’ve realized that her world is not the same as when you were a teen.
We teach her to compromise and to find a common ground by showing her how to compromise.
That means that sometimes we stick to our decision, sometimes we negotiate. And occasionally we see her point.
Learning how to pick your battles is a good lesson for her but might be the most important lesson for us as parents.
3. Ignore minor offenses
Sometimes it’s ok to let things slide.
It might be that she just had a bad day at school. Or something happened between her and her girlfriend. Sometimes she doesn’t even understand why she feels so emotional or irritated.
A teen girl’s life is usually pretty stressful. She might just need to vent or dump her frustrations on someone she knows loves her unconditionally.
The slamming door, an eyeroll, a grunt or whispering something under her breath are her immature ways of standing up to you. But certainly not worth a fight.
This does not mean that you shouldn’t have limits. I actually thing it is super important to be very clear about what the rules and limitations are. And what the consequences are of she brakes the rules.
Because she will break the rules.
Read this blog to know what the best and most effective way is to respond when your teen breaks the rules.
I’ve made a guide for you that will help you keep you cool and manage your teen’s rebellion. Get yours now!
I hope these tips will change the way you argue with your daughter.
Grab your guide and cheers to having healthy fights with your teen!